By Ankeet Dhoj Khadka
You ever had one of those days where you are just sitting all by yourself, you’ve got nothing good to do, so you begin to contemplate about random things, imagining and putting yourself in different situations with all the ‘what if’s’ humanly possible? It was one of those days, when I started making a list of things I was afraid of, yeah, the list contained ‘NQ’s’ and ‘what after college?’ But the thing I am the most afraid of – I am afraid of losing my parents, that one day all that will be left of them will be the love they gave me and the memories we made, that one day I’ll have to learn to live with the fact that my mom won’t be home making me my favourite food or my dad won’t be there calling to know when I’ll be back home. The one that hit me the most, will they live long enough to see me grow and become the man I always wanted to be? Just the thought, is dreadful enough, believe me!
As I was running through with these thoughts in my head, I was left with a huge ass question ‘Have I been a good son?’ to them, the one they dreamt of. At this point I had a series of flashback from my past and I had so much to say and apologize for, if only I had the guts to just sit down together with them and speak my heart out.
I mean, I’ve been honest to them about everything till now, from my first girlfriend to the last one, all the ins and outs, from the day I smoked my first cigarette to the day I sipped my first peg of whiskey. I also remember how happy they were when I told them that I was slowly trying to give up smoking and that I would only go out for a drink with their permission and drink responsibly. They’ve always been a friend to me, they’ve done their part but I have been lagging behind.
That day I came to realize how less of a time I’ve got left with them and not to take your parents love for granted, that I want to spend the time we have left together as a family in nothing but joy. I may not have been an ideal son, I have not been good at studies lately, I have done some stupid things, picked up some bad habits along the way, I have disobeyed them, raised my voice at times, got irritated with what I considered nagging. If you ever read this I just want to let you know that I sorry for every time I let you down that one day I’ll make the both of you proud . I’m just way too sentimental to say this in person, I might shed a tear or two, so here it goes. My love for you is beyond words. In conclusion, may I reiterate, never take the love you get from anyone for granted family, friends or your ‘amoureux’, who knows how much time you’ve got left with them in this beautiful world? Just take this time and be thankful to god that they have blessed you with such a wonderful parents and if possible go up to them and say how much you love them, that’s the least you can do. They will always cherish the moment you made them feel when you first came into this world why not do the same and cherish every moment spent with them?
I am afraid of…
By Ankeet Dhoj Khadka